This started as a BlueSky rant, then grew to a Facebook rant, and now – as I get more and more irate with the idiocy of certain... well... USian idiots (plus a few Canadians who seem to have drunk from the same KoolAid – yet another U.S. product that is really, really bad for the human race) – I'm migrating it over to RantCentral (with a few new additions), so people can read it without supporting the Zuckerface.
It is also going to be NSFW, so buckle up. And if any USian fucking makes a quip about how Canadians are supposed to be polite (as one did on the aforementioned BlueSky rant), I will make a Canada Goose look like a pleasant dinner companion – today is not the day to dance around the Karpman Triangle with me, because I ain't dancing.
(USian friends of mine, I know this does not describe you, I know how hard you've been working in real life – your strength and integrity is exactly why we became friends in the first place. This rant is for the non-friends I see posting. You are loved. And welcome to a guest room any time. The degree of safety of said guest room depends on whether or not your country is invading ours that day, so please do your best with that, okay?)
Why am I exceeding healthy levels of irateness? (I mean, other than the fact that watching the lies and gaslighting and narcissistic abuse and complete crazy talk and behaviour is opening up a whole bunch of old childhood shit, and am running out of wine... 🤷♀️)
Because I'm seeing way too many memes floating around the social media feeds that look like people are just looking for a pat on the head about also not liking the “bad apple” (or, in this case, Rotten Orange), so they can feel better about themselves and ignore their role in allowing the entire barrel of fruit to rot, not to mention, the tree it grew on. As if sitting on their ass and passing around a hundred memes a day on social media somehow makes up for their inaction and complacency over the past decade or so.
I do NOT want to see one more "hey Canada, we apologize for what's happening – it's just that one problematic guy" bullshit post being passed around right now. Stop passing around apology memes and TAKE ACTION.
IF IT WERE JUST ONE PROBLEMATIC GUY, YOU WOULD HAVE FUCKING STOPPED HIM BY NOW.
IF IT WERE JUST ONE PROBLEMATIC GUY, HE WOULD NEVER HAVE BECOME THE FUCKING PRESIDENT OF YOUR FUCKING COUNTRY!!!!!
If it were just one problematic guy, the FBI, CIA, a gazillion other initialled departments, the National Guard, or perhaps even ONE SINGLE FUCKING PAST PRESIDENT would be saying or doing something about this.
Hey, speaking of initialled organizations… isn't the NRA always spouting off about youzeall's Second Amendment every single fucking time children or nightclubbers or anyone driving-while-Black get slaughtered by an overly-armed whackadoodle with serious daddy issues? You know… the Second Amendment, put in there for the express purpose of every day citizens being able to stop government tyranny…? Is this ringing a bell at all?!?!? Because DON'T LOOK NOW, OR YOU MIGHT SEE EXHIBITS A THROUGH ZZZZZZZZZ OF FUCKING GOVERNMENT TYRANNY!!!! And not a well-armed citizen militia in sight. C'mon, NRA, this is the moment you've all been waiting for – where the fuck are you? And what excuse will you have to make up the next time children or nightclubbers or anyone driving-while-Black get slaughtered by an overly-armed whackadoodle with serious daddy issues?!?
For a country that's made one hell of a lot of movies about Great American Heroes, we sure as fuck aren't seeing a lot of them in real life. Why not? BECAUSE IT'S NOT JUST THE ONE GUY.
It's been almost eight weeks of the Rotten Orange and his chainsaw-wielding Psycho Sidekick breaking U.S. laws (not to mention, International laws) on pretty much a daily basis, and all the other powers-that-be are only holding meetings and hiring lawyers to say that... yup... they're probably breaking the law?
A CANADIAN WOMAN WITH A VALID VISA FOR THE U.S. COMPANY SHE'S CONSULTING WITH HAS BEEN IMPRISONED FOR DAYS WITHOUT CHARGE BECAUSE SOME ICE ASSHOLE WAS FEELING TWITCHY, YET NOBODY'S WILLING TO PUT EITHER OF THESE TWO MEN BLATANTLY VIOLATING YOUR NATIONAL SECURITY IN A HOLDING CELL WHILE THEY FIGURE OUT THE FUCKING PAPERWORK?!?!?
C'mon.
And then there's yesterday's rant. Which was limited by the number of characters I can use on BlueSky. ALLOW ME TO EXPAND.
Ahem:
If I see one more USian say “don’t worry, Canadians will save us!”, I swear I will go burn the fucking Whitehouse down myself.
No, we really don't have time to save you (eh?). We're a little busy trying to protect ourselves from the FUCKING SHITSTORM you guys allowed in while sitting on your arses waiting for a saviour to fix everything for you.
The magical thinking of some of you is out of this world. It seems like when you're not waiting for someone to rescue you from your inaction, you're coming up with new conspiracy theories to explain THE NATURAL RESULTS OF YOUR INACTION. And then sharing memes and YouTube videos as “proof” of it all. INSTEAD OF GETTING YOUR ARSES OFF THE COUCH, YOUR HEADS OUT OF THE CLOUDS, AND TAKING SOME FUCKING ACTION. It doesn't even have to be a great, grand action – butterflies flapping wings, yadda yadda yadda. But, for the love of all that is evidence-based, MAKE ONE TINY LITTLE WINGFLAP in the right direction. Honestly, even if that Great American Hero rang your goddamned doorbell, you'd probably be too busy designing the next meme or “sick burn” to get your arse away from the computer to answer the door.
NOBODY IS SWOOPING IN TO RESCUE YOU. And it sure as fuck isn't the country that is currently under attack by yours. The people now under threat of annexation, destruction and invasion based on lies, gaslighting, and bullshit – not just by your Rotten Orange but also his bobblehead compatriots, billionaire-owned media conglomerates, and a bunch of pubescent incel Nazis – are, quite frankly, done with rescuing you folks (read some history books, I can only do so much). You'd think we'd have given up after your “Blame Canada” days, but… sigh… we thought we were friends, maybe you'd seen the error of your ways, maybe you'd one day… I dunno… be friendly in return? And then, just like Lucy, you ripped the goddamned football out from under us again, charged us ten cents (or 25-50% tariffs) to tell us how inferior we always have been and that we'd be nothing without you. AND THEN ASSUME WE'RE GONNA RESCUE YOU FROM THE NATURAL CONSEQUENCES OF YOUR INACTION?!?!?
Buddy, I've had husbands like you. This ain't happening.
After my second abusive marriage ended, I taped a sign to my refrigerator that read "NO RESCUING", to remind me of all the times I'd run to save the guy that had been treating me like shit from the very beginning, and who would never have inconvenienced himself to lift a damned finger for me (I obviously forgot to pay attention to it when #3 showed up… oops).
The U.S. has been an abusive partner for far too long. It was subtle, at first (like all 3 of my abusive marriages started out), but now that the punches have started flying – FUCK, NO, WE'RE NOT RESCUING YOU ANY FUCKING MORE.
We rescued you September 11 when your planes needed a safe place to land. We've been rescuing you from your wildfires. We were rescuing you after Hurricane Katrina. We've been rescuing you on a regular basis, because that's what friends do, AND NOW YOUR COUNTRY IS TRYING TO FUCKING DESTROY OURS. So, NO, we aren't feeling terribly inclined to clean up your mess for you any more, we're trying to keep it from oozing toxic waste into our water and blood.
MAYBE, just MAYBE, if you're so very sorry about what your president (WHO OVER HALF OF THOSE VOTING SUPPORTED, BECAUSE HEAVEN FORBID YOU BE LED BY A WOMAN OF COLOUR WHEN A BLOATED BLOWHARD TRUST-FUND BABY WITH A TRANSPARENT AGENDA OF LEOPARDS EATING ALL YOUR FUCKING FACES IS THERE MAKING A CLOWN OF HIMSELF) is doing to Canada, to Greenland, to the EU, to the Ukraine, TO EVERYONE OTHER THAN THE COUNTRIES THAT, UNTIL JANUARY 20, WERE CONSIDERED YOUR ENEMY... maybe, JUST MAYBE, instead of putting together memes, you could ORGANIZE and GET SOMETHING DONE.
Watching the leopards eat Canadian faces, eat women's faces, eat veterans' faces, eat Black people's faces, eat Indigenous faces, eat Trans faces, eat the faces of the poor, the sick, of your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, then saying "I really hope those faceless people will save us soon" is one fuckload of a crazy-assed statement. I mean, the rest of the world makes fun of U.S. entitlement and privilege all the time, but I don't think ANYONE could have ever gotten away with making a joke that extreme until now. Are you even LISTENING TO YOURSELVES?!?!?
NOBODY'S GOING TO SAVE YOU. Too many people sitting complacently on their asses ignoring your own dumpsterfire while waiting for a saviour is EXACTLY why we’re in the position of having to save OURSELVES from YOUR FUCKING MESS. Why the ENTIRE FUCKING WORLD is having to save ourselves. If you want to be saved, get off the couch, stop making and sharing stupid memes, and FUCKING DO SOMETHING TO SAVE US ALL.
Get a mop. Get a bucket. Get a blowtorch if you have to. GET OFF THE MEME MACHINE, and fucking CLEAN YOUR OWN DAMNED HOUSE. We're done.
We don't need your damned apologies. WE NEED YOU TO TAKE SOME FUCKING ACCOUNTABILITY AND ACTION, and get the leopards back in their triple-deadbolted cages.
This is a bad, one-sided relationship. "Y'all" have been playing dirty, and dirty enough that even pretty much all of the "sorry, eh" polite ones are now able to see through the Karpman Triangle bullshit that's been pulled on us forever and day. And we're done.
So until (and unless) you can show us a reason why we should ever, ever, EVER trust you with our friendship again... (and I never in a million years thought I'd ever quote hockey terms)... we're keeping our freaking #ElbowsUp.
