Dear Humans,

It is Day 105 of my incarceration.  My Parole Hearing was set for 5pm today.

I have news…

First of all, I waited until 8am to start singing the song of my people.  The Warden was pleased.  I may be allowed to live another day.

Another Great Lake was created on the patio, as well as a small-ish mountain, just to keep with the geographical references.

That's not the news, though.

The news is that Simcoe Veterinary Hospital phoned a little before 8:30, to say they'd had a cancellation, and would I like to come in for my Parole Hearing at 10:00 instead?

WOULD I?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?  🐕‍🦺💃🏻🕺👯

Mom made us all say our prayers before breakfast.  I wanted to jump to the eating part, but did as I was told, because her urgency was a little frightening, I have to say…

FINALLY, it was the Stinky Brother's turn to go to his crate while I got to go for a car ride!!!  (He did not understand this concept – there might have been a few "Jayzus Feck"-s directed his way, as he kept trying to squirm his way ahead of me at each door.)

The Warden wouldn't let me jump into the car.  She made me stand so she could lift me in.  Let me tell you, she's not going to ever be on an Olympic team for this.

I was so disgusted with her technique, that when we got to the vet, even though I'm always excited to see my friends there, I kept swivelling around to make it impossible for her to lift me back out again.  She said there was no way she was going to let me jump and ruin my chances of parole at the 11th hour.  What can I say?  She's actually more stubborn than I am.  I tried to do a swan dive all by myself, but she used my momentum to get me into a death lock and fumble me down to the driveway.  (Again, horrid technique, but we survived.)

Once ground-level, I got even by racing to the yard and making her slip on some ice in the driveway, meh hehh hehhhhh.  I had to sniff everything in the front yard, of course, and toss as much snow as I could into the air with my halo.  For shits and giggles.

Mom thanked me for my display of reasons for why she needs my staples out STAT, and brought me inside, where – as I always do – I made myself useful at reception, while Sam was talking on the phone.

Also while Sam was still talking on the phone, another dog, Tilly, came out of one of the exam rooms, and SHE DID NOT APPRECIATE MY HALO!  In fact, it scared her so much that her mom had to take her around to the other side of reception and feed her tons of bribery from a big bag of snacks.  (Hats off to Tilly for creating this excellent situation for herself!)  I just wanted to play, but Tilly kept shouting "the shiv! the shiv!", and The Warden moaned on about staples, while poor Sam tried to finish her conversation with another client.

Sam got off the phone and I got sent to an exam room, which I investigated thoroughly for any fallen morsels of deliciousness while The Warden and I waited.  Then Melissa came to take me away to the procedure room to check my staples.  The Warden plead my case eloquently – although I believe it might have been pleading her own case, and not mine…

The Warden waited outside and gave Tilly a treat for being brave again once I was gone.  Traitor.

What The Warden didn't know at the time was that MY STAPLES WERE BEING REMOVED!!!

Melissa took me back to the waiting room, both halo-free AND STAPLE-FREE!!!

FREEEEEEDOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

They said they'd taken out my staples and cleaned me up, and that my slice had healed beautifully!!!

Mom asked if I was clear to be my usual crazy self, or if I had to keep quiet for a few more days, and was told I CAN DO WHATEVER THE HELL I WANT (okay, I'm paraphrasing, but that's BASICALLY what she said).  Running, jumping, playing, boogying all night long.  AND I can go see all my pals at Ruff Haus tomorrow, and give them extra schlurps for Valentine's Day!!!!!

When we got home, Michelle from AdventureHoundz had just shown up to pick up Jasper, to take him for a walk in the woods with our friends.  So mom stopped the car a few doors down, so I wouldn't see and get jealous.  But I know things, people, I know things!

I came in to a Jasper-less house, with a halo-less head, and asked to go outside.  Mom smiled this crazy-looking smile and opened the back door for me.  I waited for her to put on my leash, but... she told me to go frolic.  I went outside and sat down and waited for her, but SHE CLOSED THE DOOR BEHIND ME.  I looked at her, like when the hell are you coming?  And she told me to fly and be free, and started making weird gestures with her arms and then singing in a weird Julie Andrews impersonation, so I got frightened and decided I'd better just leave her inside.  I went EVERYWHERE in the back yard, and nobody yelled at me for getting too close to the edges of walls, and I went up and down the stairs and up and down the other stairs and then I went into the woods to eat bunny presents, and I barked at a squirrel, and OHMYGOD,

FFFFRRRREEEEEEEEEEEDDDOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jasper is back home, and we are snuggled together on the couch, with me upside-down and my scar on full display (even though my fur is starting to grow back).  Mom says my nipples are crooked now, but what the hell, that's rude.  And it doesn't matter, because the last time I was sliced open, they made sure I wasn't going to have puppies to feed, anyhow.  So just leave me to my Sacred Imperfection, old lady Judgey McJudgerson!

So this shall be my last post for a while, because I've got more important shit to do now.  The vet is still waiting for my fancy new diet to come in, plus my liver supplements, but they did send home some new tick medicine for all four of the Catpulets and Montogues to start on March 1.  If I'm not busy having too much fun, I'll let you know how the new diet turns out, and of course when they test me again in a month.

Until then, Humans, I'm outta here.  Be kind to each other and don't forget the belly rubs!

Oh, and FFFFRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEDDDOOOOOMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love and halo-free smooches,
Macie