Dear Humans,
I must apologize once again – I forgot to ask The Warden for my second laptop time yesterday, to give you my Friday update. And after leaving you with such a cliffhanger!!!
As many of you have probably already guessed, the answer to that cliffhanger is NO – The Warden taking me outside to pee (and poop!) after midnight did NOT prevent me from waking up early the next morning to sing the song of my people.
Although, to be fair, it wasn't 6am, more like 6:45…
And this time, I was off the bed all by myself and standing at the bedroom door and just giving my yelp (which was heard from the guest room of the visiting royalty), so Mom knew I meant business! She jumped (perhaps more of a groan-and-roll) out of bed, and put on her boots and coat and took me (and the Stinky Brother) outside, where I unleashed another Great Lake – despite being securely leashed.
They weren't kidding about the prednisone, people!
We went back to bed for a little while and snuggled. Then Mom said Ali was probably up by now, being a morning person and all, so we went to the kitchen to make sure she got some tea, and didn't sneak out without saying goodbye. Her car was still there, but there was no sign of Ali. Mom thinks it is probably the first time in human history that she woke up before Ali!
While we were waiting, the Stinky Brother went outside, but I didn't feel like it, so mom sat with me on the kitchen rug and gave me cuddles. Then Gráinne joined us, and kept sticking her butt in the air and rolling on her back, and then marking me with her nose and rubbing up against my side, and Mom got all teary and stopped breathing for a bit, so she didn't ruin anything.
Guess who ruined it? Yup, Jasper clawing at the back door. He's such a jerk. Boys suck.
Ali came down nice and showered (she has no shower at home right now, because: renovations!), and said this was the first time she'd slept in in for freaking ever. She looked all glowy and relaxed, so I made sure to show her my kangaroo jumps again, because I just knew she'd be impressed! I don't think she appreciated them as well as she should have, and went back to screaming "the shiv! the shiv!", and made me settle down, because NOBODY APPRECIATES MY SUPERPOWERS THIS MONTH!!!!!
Mom and Ali sat in the living room and talked some more, and IGNORED ALL OUR BREAKFAST PLEADINGS, until Mom realized that if she didn't feed us, Jasper wouldn't have time to digest before going to Ruff Haus, and then she'd have to sell a kidney for his vet bills, so she finally remembered that she's responsible for four of God's creatures with very important needs that must be met. I mean, she'd had her damned second coffee by this point, how selfish can one person be?
After breakfast, Ali started packing up all her stuff and the presents, plus our smells-too-good-so-mom-put-it-in-a-dogproof-box present for Vixon, because she had to go make the kibble money too. I sent love and schlurps to him, because I'm really upset he didn't get to come and play – we always have tons of fun racing around the back yard together!
After Ali left, and Stinky Brother got taken to the Place of Joy without me, I didn't even want to go outside again, I spent the entire afternoon on my bed in the sunroom. (With one quick break to eat snow on the studio balcony.)
When the Stinky Brother came home, I got up for greetings and to clean his unattended ear again (what a lousy mother we have!), and then moved to the couch. Upside down – my favourite position. This made mom happy, because she could see all my staples without having to sneak a phone into private regions. She thinks my scar is looking much better – she was worried before that it might not heal on time for Monday, on account of my liver not working properly. It sure hasn't healed as fast as it did when I was a puppy, but we might be okay.
Mom says we all need to pray to whatever or whoever we pray to that my staples come out on Monday. Otherwise you might REALLY have to report her to the SPCA for murdering a dog, and she doesn't know who will feed the other three if she's in prison. (I know Iris would, but she's going for the melodrama, I think...)
She's also been doing some research on my condition (gosh, I bet vets love to hear THAT at the beginning of a sentence!), and it looks like I'm no longer going to be allowed to eat liver treats, because liver is chock full o' copper. (I mean, my liver is DEFINITELY chock full o' copper, but even normal ones have it!) No organ meats. No lobster or oysters (like that's ever been an issue!), no flax seeds, spinach (yuck) or kale (TRIPLE YUCK).
So now mom has to figure out a treat that the gluten-free Stinky Brother and copper-free Queen can both eat. She may have said "send vodka", but I won't repeat that, since we need her liver to function, too.
She did find that there's a canned version of the liver diet that we can get from the vet, so that's good. I (usually) eat my pills easily if they're in a bit of canned food – but mom was reading the labels at the pet store, and THEY ALL HAD COPPER ADDED in the ingredients list. I mean, I'm happy to eat pills in pumpkin (especially Magic Pumpkin) or yogurt, but a little bit of gravy does a girl good, no?
Had I written my Friday update on Friday, I would have mentioned that there were only 21 more sleeps until my staples come out (inshalla). I'm not sure what happens when Mom falls asleep on the couch, trying to watch the same tv episode she's fallen asleep on about four times already (or 28 in dog sleeps), though. I will tell you, though, that since I had peed and pooped well after midnight, she was ever so hopeful that she would be allowed a Saturday sleep-in.
Did she get her wish? Tune in later today (or whenever Mom remembers to give me laptop privileges) to find out what happened, in the next episode of [announcer voice]: My Tales (Tails?) of Woe [cue dramatic music...]
Love and schlurps,
Macie
Human here – just wanted to show you how cuddly Macie was yesterday, despite her sassy snark. (And yes, I'm wearing the same sweater as in last week's picture – yes, I have changed my clothes since then, I just like this sweater, okay?)
